The Livewire Guide to Going, Being and Staying Veggie

Juliet Gellatley

Chapter 20 – Keeping Cool at Home

Home is where the heart is. It can also be where the aggro is!

Some parents don’t exactly jump for joy when you tell them you’re going veggie. Never mind, it isn’t their fault. All they’re guilty of is believing the myths about vegetarianism that most people are taken in by – you won’t get enough protein, you’ll fade away and die, you won’t grow big and strong. Of course, none of this true, so if you’ve got trouble at home like this, show them Section 3.

Parents who don’t take this line often fall into a second category – the ‘I’m not cooking two meals, I don’t know what vegetarians eat, I haven’t got time for these fads’ category. Or it could be that your parents don’t want to face the fact that eating meat causes untold misery and suffering to animals so they make up all kinds of excuses about why they don’t want you to change.

Perhaps the most difficult parent to persuade is the one who just insists point blank that they’re not going to let their daughter or son become vegetarian. This kind of response is most common from dads, and particularly the type of dad who has strong views on everything. He’ll go purple in the face over ‘mindless hooligans who care about nothing’ but gets just as worked up over people who care about everything. You can’t win, sometimes.

Fortunately, there’s another type of parent and they’re on the way to becoming the biggest group of all. These are the parents who are interested in what you’re doing, why you’re doing it and usually, after a few concerns about health, who will support you all the way.

Believe it or not, there are ways to deal with all the difficult types of parent successfully. The main thing is to avoid throwing a wobbler. The reason why parents object is largely ignorance. Most if not all parents genuinely believe what they’re saying and care about your health and welfare – although sometimes, unfortunately, it is about control. What you have to do is stay calm and show them they’re wrong. Find out exactly what’s worrying your parents, and then provide them with the information that answers their concerns.

Sally Dearing, 14, of Bristol told me, ‘When I went veggie my mum went bananas. I was surprised at how strongly she reacted. I asked her what the problem was. Basically it came down to her knowing nothing about veggie nutrition or food. So I told her about all the diseases you can get from eating animals and how veggies get less heart disease and cancers. I just piled all the reasons on top of her and in the end she gave in! She bought some recipe books and I helped with the cooking. Anyway – guess what? After about two years she went veggie and even my dad has stopped eating red meat.’

Of course your parents might have an entirely different argument, claiming that animals are well cared for and humanely slaughtered so there’s no need to worry.
Again, show them the truth. What you mustn’t expect is for them to change their opinion straight away. New information needs time to sink in – and folks generally have to swish it around for a while and give it a bit of thought. What usually happens after a day or so is that parents think they’ve spotted a hole in your argument and can’t wait to tell you why you’re wrong. Listen to them, answer their argument, provide some more information and wait. They’ll be back for more. This can go on for days, weeks or even months.

Parents often think your vegetarianism is just a passing craze. The only way to prove to them that it isn’t is to be firm about what you believe and stick to it. Believe me, it doesn’t take long for them to take you seriously – if you are serious! I know, because I’ve bee through it myself. I didn’t handle it very well to begin with. I thought all I had to do was explain the truth about how animals were treated and my parents would change their whole lives immediately. They didn’t – and instead of being patient I started raising my voice, blaming them, and telling them that they were responsible for the animals’ pain and suffering. Of course, they were responsible for some it but that wasn’t the best way to go about convincing them that my going veggie was grand.

In the end, my mum got pretty annoyed – maybe it was something to do with those ‘Warning, this package contains a dead animal’ stickers all over the kitchen?! But her irritation didn’t last long. What she was guilty of was trying to sneak little bits of finely-chopped meat, usually chicken, into my meals because she thought I’d fade away without it. But I sussed out what was going on straight away and refused to eat the infected meals.

My mum stopped her sneaky tactics about a month later. Once it dawned on her that I had changed forever, we had long chats and she became very sympathetic – she even began cutting most meats out of diet as well.

But what can you do with a stubborn parent who ‘won’t have this nonsense in my house?’ If all the previous advice fails, then it depends on just how much aggro you’re prepared to put up with. If you refuse to eat any meat or fish there is a good chance that he or she will change – in time. Basically, when they see you thrive on a veggie diet then at some point they will accept that it’s a healthy way to live.

Some young people I know reach a compromise with their parents. Sometimes the offer comes from them because they can’t stand the nagging any longer and sometimes it comes from the parents. It might be an agreement to eat fish but give up meat; or to eat free-range chicken and turkey but not red meat. For some people the compromise works; others find it unacceptable. Quite a few see it as a half way victory and live with it – but only for time being.

If you’re faced with this situation, I can’t tell you what to do. You might want to treat a compromise as a step forward or you might feel you have to stick to your principles. You might decide to wait until you’re more in control of your own life before becoming vegetarian. It’s difficult, particularly if you know the objections are unfounded, like when your parents insist that vegetarianism is unhealthy. In the end, only you can decide.

Leanne McCrorie, 15, from Glasgow, found her dad to be a problem when she went veggie. She says, ‘My dad tried to make me eat meat again – it was like he didn’t want to be proved wrong and took it as some kind of personal insult that I didn’t want to be like him.’ But in time she was pleasantly surprised al what happened. ‘Mum and dad started to eat veggie food with me and now they say they really like it!’

What can be really irritating is when parents or grandparents blame your vegetarianism for everything that goes wrong in your life! Judith Rushman, 15, of North London experienced this: ‘If I got a cold my nan would say “See, I knew it – it’s that diet of yours.” My mum even brought up vegetarianism when I fractured my ankle a school!’ Still, the truth will out! Judith’s family are ‘much more understanding. It’s taken three years, but my mum actually thinks that meat’s unhealthy now.’

What can sometimes help with any parental ruck is to get another adult to argue your case for you. If you know an adult veggie make sure they know exactly how you feel and get them to talk to your parents for you.

It’s likely that most of the objections you face are really more to do with inconvenience than anything else. Offer to help with the shopping and cooking so your mum or dad isn’t left scratching their head not knowing what to buy or cook. Even better, cook a meal for the whole family at least once a week. Help them by finding out the kind of foods that are quick and easy to prepare and cook.

Fortunately, most people have a lot more knowledge about vegetarianism than they did a few years ago and many are pleased when their kids go veggie. If it was that difficult there wouldn’t be half a million teenage veggies in Britain alone.

‘I’m a vegetarian because I can’t stand the horrific way animals are killed just for food. If your parents are difficult, just state why you are vegetarian and prepare to be flexible – don’t alienate yourself. Try helping with some meals. In the end they’ll realise that vegetarianism saves animals and the environment and that it’s the right thing to do!’
- Damon Albarn, lead singer of Blur
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Pointers to Dealing with Parents
You have to be reasonable with parents – to a degree! The trouble is, left alone they may make the wrong decisions. So, be clear where you can have influence. Help with the shopping and, at the same time, try to make sure your folks don’t buy battery eggs or veal etc. If they don’t agree you could:

• Reason with them. Explain calmly how battery hens/veal calves are treated and show them lots of pictures which you can get from animal rights organisations like Viva! Explain to your mum and dad that they’re responsible for animal suffering if they keep buying these products.
• If the supermarket charges a fortune for free-range eggs, shop around. Health food shops, markets and farms usually sell them much cheaper.
• Really shock your parents and offer to do the washing up for a week if they but free-range eggs/don’t eat veal/ eat more veggie food.
  
  
  
  If that doesn’t work, you could be less subtle and:
• Accidentally drop all the battery eggs on kitchen floor. Then point out that the eggs break more easily because the shells are thin due to the poor conditions of the birds.
• If meat is the offending item, forget to put it away; leave it close to the cat’s dish instead.
• Paint or felt-tip the eggs with sad faces of hens and messages like ‘Warning – Salmonella’ and ‘Laid in Pain’.
• Sneakily swap the battery eggs for free-range eggs in the shopping trolley when no one’s looking.
• Get loads of great veggie recipes and – eek – help with the cooking.